Sometimes it's just easier to write the words down
by melanie39
Summary: Marissa left town, she didn't die. These are emails exchanged between her and Ryan. Written for the OC Sentence Fic Challenge 2007


Written for the 2007 OCSFC! Thanks to **ctoan** for organizing.

This story was written for **loracj**

Newport (in an alternative universe!)

**Sometimes it's just easier to write the words down...**

_August 5th 2006_

Hey

I can't believe that even when you are five thousand miles away you can still find a reason to yell at me. I didn't reply to your letter because I never GOT your letter. Guess it got lost in the mail or something. So what was in it? Can't you tell me by email?

Anyhow, I'm glad you found somewhere to email from. I've been wondering how you were getting along. Asked your mom a couple of times but she said you hadn't mailed her either. Don't forget her, will you? I know she seems wrapped up with Dr Roberts but she looked kinda sad when she said she hadn't heard from you. Which reminds me, your sister? Out of control. Caught her hanging out with Luke's brothers under the pier the other night when I was walking home from work. Can't say for sure what she was up to but she sure as hell looked guilty when she saw me. The sooner school starts the better.

Talking of school, Summer is almost ready for Brown. She and Seth have spent every minute together since you left. I don't know how I'm going to deal when she goes. I suspect he'll be bugging me at Berkeley every weekend. At least I've had some time to myself over the summer, in between shifts at work.

Yes I'm looking forward to Berkeley. Nervous. I know it sounds stupid but although I really want to go I can't imagine not being at the Cohen's every day. Kirsten's dragged me shopping too many times to count. I keep telling her I have most everything I need but she doesn't believe me. And she keeps telling me I have to remember I can come home any time I want and looking all wistful. I can't imagine what she'll be like when Seth's ready to go to RISD.

I'm pleased for you that your tan is coming on well. Just don't get burnt, ok? Besides I thought you were there to work. Surely you should be below deck at all times? The islands sound awesome. It must be nice to be able to sail up to any beach you like and have it all to yourselves, no lifeguards, no crowds, no Newpsies keeping watch. Remember that day when we sailed to Catalina? I thought about that as I read your email. Maybe we can persuade Seth to take us again next summer when you're home. You know, maybe when I'm NOT on the run from the cops?

I need to go. I have a shift at El Pavo Guapo's in half hour. I hope you pick up this email soon. Look after yourself. Say Hi to your dad.

Love Ryan xxx

p.s. I cannot believe you thought you had to boil the potatoes before making them into fries.

p.p.s Things aren't the same around here without you… :((Seth taught me how to do that – he's such a geek)

p.p.p.s Met any Greek shipping heirs yet?

_September 15th 2006_

Hey you

Thanks for your email. I'm not surprised you're finding it hard to find Internet access. The Greek Islands don't strike me as the sort of place where it's much of a priority. Too relaxed I suspect?

Yes, Harbor's started again, and yes, Kaitlin appears to be behaving herself. At least she's not been in any trouble with Dr Kim so far as I know. Your mom has been keeping a close eye on her since that whole shoplifting incident with the twins and has forbidden her to see them. She also had to work the rest of the summer to pay off the boots. (She has expensive tastes just like her sister!) Oh, and Luke came home briefly at the end of August and knocked some sense into both of those kids. They could really do with him around full time.

I have one more week at El Pavo Guapo's and then I'm done. Can't say I'll be sorry to leave. If I never see another half eaten taco in my life it'll be too soon. Seth finally got a job by the way. He's working in the comic book store just across the way from the restaurant. It's cool. We meet for lunch (not Mexican!) and read all the new comics. I can't believe I'm going to say this but I think I might miss him when I go to college.

Hey, guess what? Some Harbor gossip! Taylor Townsend just appeared back from France. Apparently she got married and then ran off and left her new husband. That girl is so weird. She spends her time with Seth at the comic book store wailing about what a mess she's made of her life. Don't mention this to anyone but she's hiding out in Seth's room because she's too scared to face her mom. Sandy keeps wondering how we're getting through so many bagels. How Kirsten and Sandy haven't spotted her I don't know. When they're at work she skulks about the house looking for snacks. Why she thought she'd find a snack in the pool house I don't know. Good thing I'd put on my jeans before I came out of the shower is all I'm saying.

So how's your dad? Is he managing to stay out of trouble? Promise me you'll call me if he screws up? I'll come and get you, wherever you are. I'm sorry, that sounds kind of mean to your dad and it's not like I don't trust him but….yeah, I don't trust him.

I can hear Seth on the prowl – he's desperate for us to finish playing "Gears of War" on the PS2 before I leave. I'd better go. Mail me when you can. Miss you.

Love Ryan xxx

P.S. Don't think I didn't notice that you didn't answer my question about the Greek shipping heir…I'll just ask Seth to ask Summer!

_October 26th 2006_

I'm sorry it's taken a while to reply. What with starting Berkeley I haven't had much time to myself. Plus Taylor is forever dragging me to some new college society she says I have to try out. She wants to have "the full college experience". In fact that's how come I have some time now – she's off at some sorority meeting.

I should have told you before about Taylor, I know. I'm sorry you had to hear about it from Summer. I didn't mean to keep it from you; it was just kind of hard to admit that I was dating your archrival from Harbor. In my defense, all I can say is she really isn't as scary as she appears, and she does have a very sweet nature. Plus, she's hot. OK, you probably didn't need to know that. Anyhow, she pursued me relentlessly when she returned from France and even though I've had a few raised Sandy Cohen eyebrow looks about dating a married woman the Cohens seem cool about it, now that they've chased her over to your mom's house to live (long story – ask Summer). Seth thinks it's hysterical and won't stop teasing me. He's heading for a punch is all I'm saying. Do you think I could get away with it or would I bring on one of Summer's rage blackouts?

So really and truly, no shipping heirs? No hot young ferrymen? No Adonis barman? What's the matter with the guys there? Are they sick? Or maybe your dad is being over protective? Is he stepping in for me? Maybe my opinion of him is changing…

Man, that's Taylor back. I have to go. She sends her regards – she's muttering something in Greek as we speak. No idea what it means. Don't expect you would either.

Let me know how your trip to Athens goes. Pick up a rock or something from the Parthenon for me.

Love Ryan xx

_November 23rd 2006_

Happy Thanksgiving! It must be weird being away from the U.S at Thanksgiving. Even in Chino we celebrated pretty well (no dancing obviously because we all know there's no dancing in Chino but there was pumpkin pie!). I can't imagine being in a place that didn't even celebrate it. Did you and your dad have a turkey or at least some pie? Kirsten made a pie this year! We all survived it. Sandy even had a second helping. There is nothing that man will not do to show his wife how much he loves her. I was just in Newport for a few days and it wasn't exactly quiet. Summer has become all environmental and thinking of others instead of her next bikini wax so she and Seth invited all those homeless guys that hang out under the pier. Sandy was cool about it. Even Kirsten embraced the idea. You should have seen your mom's face though. You'd have thought living in the trailer would have prepared her. Dr Roberts had to keep nudging her to remind her to eat and not to stare at some guy's hair. Yeah, don't ask.

So Taylor and I broke up. I wonder if Summer told you that already? I felt bad but it just wasn't working. I had other things on my mind. I couldn't be what she wanted me to be. Still, she's being pretty great about. She doesn't ignore me in classes and we still hang out a little. She's finally made up with her mom so they've gone to Cabot together for Thanksgiving.

Berkeley is going well. I have a nice roommate. Seth thinks I can't possibly be happy sharing a room with a guy who plays water polo but not all water polo players are jerks, right? However he does shave his chest which (I can't help agreeing with Seth) really is very gay.

Thanks for the photos of the ruins. Kirsten enjoyed looking at them as much as I did. You're becoming quite the photographer. You'd never get the sort of shots you took in a guidebook. Just ask your dad to take a picture of you too and email it over. Your mom is convinced you won't be eating properly – maybe photographic evidence will stop her worrying.

I saw Kaitlin today. She's got a new boyfriend. Some guy from the school band. Not her type at all I wouldn't have thought, but he was VERY nice and normal looking. I think your mom will be pleased. At least one of her daughters can pick a respectable guy. Still, your mom does always seem pleased to see me when I come home. Maybe she doesn't hate me as much as she did? Or maybe Kevin Volchok finally made her see what a Boy Scout I am?

Talking of your friend and mine, he's been arrested in Mexico over that attempted car theft. I have to give him credit where it's due, he kept me out of it. Heather called me to tell me he'd been brought back to Newport to face trial. The least I could do was ask Sandy to help him. Sandy wasn't too keen to start with but you know how he can't resist helping a teenage boy in trouble…

I need to go. Kirsten's calling me – she wants us to have some "family time" (which means all of us on the sofa watching nature programs). How do I survive at Berkeley without this stuff?

Send my regards to your dad. Yes, really. Love Ryan xx

_December 25th 2006_

So I finally got your letter. Now I see why you were so pissed with me for not replying. I guess you thought I'd done what you think I always do – ignore the issue in the hope it'll go away, right?

I'm kind of glad I didn't get the letter till now. Seven months apart from you has given me a perspective I don't think I'd have had back then.

When you left I knew it was the right thing for you. Newport, your mom, Kevin, they were all things you needed to get away from. I can't say I thought it was the right thing for me. Those last couple of weeks after you broke up with Kevin I got the feeling you and I were heading back to a better place. Plus, if I'm honest, the thought of Berkeley with you was a lot less scary than Berkeley without you. Even though we weren't dating just knowing that you'd be around was something I'd kind of been relying upon. I don't know if you realize just how much I was dreading leaving the Cohens', leaving Newport. I didn't think I was ready to leave the first real home I've ever had.

Of course now Berkeley feels great and I don't understand how I could have been so worried about it. Nobody judges you like they do in Newport. You're just a regular person. Having said that it feels really great to be back home. Seth is his usual over the top Chrismukkah self. Summer is back home too and they both seem to have benefited from their time apart. There's just one thing missing (even Seth says so!).

Remember what I said at the beginning, about a different perspective? The thing is, even though I get what you meant when you said we needed to get on with our lives and we needed to be apart to do so, and even though I'd probably have agreed with you back then, I can't say I agree now.

I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. There. I've said it. You know what? Dating Taylor was great for me. She really forced me to speak about how I felt. All the time. Even when I had to tell her things she knew she wouldn't like. Like that I had to break up with her because I couldn't stop thinking about you.

Marissa, I don't want to get on with my life without you. I don't care about the drama that seems to cling to us the moment we start dating. I don't care that your mom hates me. I don't care about any of it. I just want to be with you. I love you. It's taken me a long time to accept that I can't move on. I really tried. I wanted it to work with Taylor. But in the end it didn't because all I could think about was when were you going to come home?

I'm not writing this to beg you to come home. I want you to see this year out with your dad just like you planned. It sounds to me like you're finally getting what you really need and I'm so happy for you that you and he are doing so well together. But I want you to know that when you're ready to come home I'll be here, if you'll have me, for better, for worse. Maybe after all this time you've been able to do what you said we should do. If you have then I'll deal with it, but I can't just sit here and not tell you how I feel. I've done too much of that in the past. So let me know. Either way.

All my love, Ryan xxx

_April 12th 2007_

LAX 2 p.m. May 16th. Check. Wild horses won't keep me away. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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